Boundaries…Have You Found Your Voice?

Boundaries are important. Find your voice and be sure that you follow through.

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My voice is my own. No one else sounds like me. I am the source.

My thoughts are my own. If I choose to share them, they’re still mine. I am the source.

My opinions are my own. If I choose to share those as well, they’re still mine. I am the source.

I choose my own fate. I choose to allow someone to speak for me, or not. I choose to allow representation of myself, no matter the intentions of someone choosing to give action or thought on my behalf.

Therefore, in all rights, rhyme and reason, it is also my responsibility to set the boundaries of when it is appropriate or not to speak, act or otherwise on my behalf.

This post is not about ownership, but rather, about acknowledgement of the source and respect of such. Boundaries that create a sanctuary that is your life. Not to say that you’ll never be uncomfortable, but you have the right to choose to stay in a situation or leave, at any given moment.

Setting boundaries is about choice, both your own and whomever is taking it upon themselves to step over the boundaries, whether openly set or implied. If someone offends you or speaks on your behalf in a way that you are not comfortable with then it is necessary to reinforce the boundaries related to the matter.

Boundaries are lost in this society and while placing blame would normally be the course of action, I would rather not. Instead, I would rather focus on the self of the situation because ultimately that is all that I have control over.

I have never been very good at setting boundaries because as a young person I was never taught to set boundaries and the examples around me were meager to say the least. This does not fall on my mother or lack of father presence; however, it does ultimately fall on me, because with all of the research that I have done over the years and in all of the counseling that I have given, and experience I’ve gained… it would seem that I would know the proper steps to take in order to set, enforce and even reinforce boundaries when and if necessary for myself before anyone else. This is not truth. It has taken me much too long, so I am sharing this with you so that you have the ability to teach yourself and recognize the pitfalls of being without enforced boundries.

Primary boundaries, as I call them, are ones that are understood and do not need to be explained. Such boundaries include, but are not limited to, manners, respect, tact and presentation. It’s the secondary boundaries that I am limited in and specifically in reinforcement. I can speak all day long about what I like and what I don’t like; however, with people who are as strong-willed as myself, it is more difficult because these are also the people who are closest to me. I can teach the boundaries in my sleep….

Step One: Set the boundary.
Step Two: Enforce the boundary.
Step Three: Reinforce the boundary if and when necessary.

Consequences are my downfall.  I am such an understanding person that when situations arise I am always the one that finds a solution to the situations. This prevents me from actually “feeling” anything at the present moment that a specific situation is presented because I automatically move into “solve” mode. In having the uncanny ability to stand on an unbiased line and see things, literally, from every possible angle it disables my ability to feel the situation and how it may affect me in the bigger scheme of things….until later, that is.

My ability to mold is like that of a chameleon. I, therefore, have the ability to say, “It’s ok.”, and move on about my business. While this is a great attribute to possess in the moment of mediation in less than favorable conditions with a job or when dealing with other people who are faced with controversy, it is not a great attribute to possess when it’s difficult to be vocal about your own boundaries.

It isn’t until the wee hours of the morning that I realize what I should have said, or could have said to nip it in the bud right then and there. It has been this newfound realization and through counseling more people on this subject, as of late, that I have been able to teach myself and actually follow through. In essence, the voice that is mine, has become vocalized in the moment instead of after the fact.

Take some time for yourself and find your voice. Check your body language and ensure that it lines up with your words as you speak them. Most people go through this at a young age, but it’s never too early to get in the mirror and watch your facial expressions and stance are in alignment. You might feel crazy, but trust me when I tell you it works!

Leave comments below, I would love to hear your thoughts on this! Remember to click the ‘Follow’ link to the right and share, share share! If not for yourself, then perhaps for someone you know that may need these words. If you have questions or comments that you do not want to post in the comments section then please visit ‘Karma’s Corner’ on the right side of the page and send me an email. I will reply within 24 hours.

Lots of love everyone, of self and those deserving around you.

Until next time, adieu.

Does your love exceed your need???

Be a movement by yourself….but be a force together.

In a society where everything is connected, and I mean everything, it is important to disconnect so that there can be a reconnection. Don’t get me wrong it is important to stay connected, but there are some things that don’t need to be shared, except with your partner, especially over social media.

When you’re dealing with marriage, or even a long term relationship, it’s extremely important to find time for eachother. Share your day together, set goals with each other about your relationship, life and future, both individually and together. Visit these ideals often and allow them to be flexible enough to change as the dynamics of your life change from day to day.

Relationships are hard, marriage is hard; when you mix in the complexities of every day life struggles, it all becomes that much more difficult to deal with sometimes. Today’s society seems like it is built to tear down relationships rather than build them up. It seems like staying together becomes the challenge of life, rather than figuring how to make ends meet and raise children that aren’t going to wreak havoc on society once they’re cut loose.

Touch is important, touch each other often. Touching creates closeness on a subconscious level to the point where I can tell the level of irritation my husband may be at with me just by whether he touches me or not, all the way to how and when he chooses to touch me. Non-verbal actions often speak in more volumes than words would ever be able to.

Communication is important, but don’t just communicate, listen to your significant other and show them that you’re listening through your actions. My husband has said to me from the day that I met him, “I can show you better than I can tell you.” This has proven true to this day. It has not come without struggle, but the most of it has come through learning each other so that we have the ability to meet each others needs and wants.

Being yourself is important. It is unfair for either person in a relationship to be anyone other than who they are to themselves. It’s deceiving and nothing good can come from it. Yet another reason to be honest, because when you are not honest about who you are as a person with other people, it takes away their choice of whether or not they even want to be in your life. Honesty creates trust in a way that no other word or action could ever be able to and helps build a foundation that becomes impenetrable later when the hardships of life come into play. Likewise, allow your partner to be themselves. Choices. Choices. Choices. Support theirs and ensure that your own are being supported as well. This means creating boundaries; which, is for another post.

Combining all of these ingredients will help a relationship grow. While there are many other factors, I wanted to speak on just a few that I’ve encountered myself over the last few months, not just in my own relationship, but also in some of the counseling that I have done recently.

Ultimately, it is extremely important to know that relationships are two people with separate lives coming together and each brining their strengths together to build something better. The weaknesses will be picked up along the way through support from each other. Your love should always exceed your need for each other; after all, both of you were individuals prior to being together and the entire reason for being together should be because of each other’s individuality and what drew you to that person to begin with.

Be a movement by yourself, but be a force together.

 

 

First Thoughts…

Don’t just exist…live.

This is my first post. By rights and tradition, I suppose I am required to give an introduction of sorts…but I wont. I don’t want to follow the “rules”. In a world that requires us to constantly think before we act, it would be nice to just “wing it”…so that’s what I am doing for my first post…I’m wingin’ it!

I will warn you, I’m brass, not politically correct, extremely candid and am most of the time unaware when I’ve offended someone….mostly because, while I have an uncanny ability to find tact in talking with people, I often find that causes people not to listen the way they should hear what I’m trying to tell them and I end up having to break it down anyway.

I will take any type of questions, comments and concerns someone wants to pose to me. I’ll never claim to have all the answers, but I will claim to provide a different point of view and a chance to alter and grow how you, and even I, see, think, and feel about any given situation.

I am very rarely offended so don’t be afraid to be candid in return; however, you will be respectful, or feel free to go on about your business. If what I have to say doesn’t apply to you, then maybe it applies to someone you know so be sure to share and tag at will. Remember to like a post and leave a comment if you’d like. I will respond accordingly.

This is an open forum and private chat through initial contact…at the moment all you can do is email me; however, I can promise that I will email you back. I will give fair warning though, if you ask me a question I will give you a very truthful answer so if the answer you’re looking for requires me to tell you what I think you want to hear then you are most definitely in the wrong place.

You are all welcome to share your experiences, this is a no-judgement place to share thoughts, ask questions, give input and hopefully learn something. I expect everyone to be honest and encourage everyone to be as open as possible. Like the picture that is first viewed on this page, be an open book. Allow yourself to be open to see things from a whole different point of view. You’d be surprised what you might find out about yourself.

This blog/vlog will grow, pages will be added, share often, take in what I have to say and apply it; it could inevitably change your life. I speak on relationships, self improvement, self love, self acknowledgement, anger management, trauma, ailments, disabilities, the military, finances, food, raising children…you name it and you’ll probably find it in here. So I invite you to grow with my page and link yourself into something that will be an amazing adventure. So, while there’s not much here yet, stay tuned and watch as the adventures unfold. The paid services will be added shortly as the site develops so be sure to visit back and subscribe/follow to get updates.

I will also be offering services-private counseling sessions, budgeting, research, writing and many more subjects. I have more than 10 years of human resource experience, as well as, life counseling. I have a vast knowledge in most everything that I will speak on and you’ll find that there is little that I speak about that I have not done extensive research on.

With that, I am sure that I’ve missed something because my brain somewhat resembles that of a goldfish at times, I will leave you with this.

“Life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you react to it.” ~Dennis P. Kimbro, Ph.D.

The above quote stands true in every situation you will come across in your life. Especially because in this fast paced society it seems to be every man/woman for themselves. The days of helping someone on the side of the road that has car trouble, and it taking a village to raise a child are long gone. With that, I urge everyone still with me to think about the fact that you have absolutely no control over what happens to you, around you, or without you; so, consider, instead, that you have absolute control over how your react to the previous stated.

This will no-doubt lead into my next post, but until next time….I bid you adieu.

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