So, yesterday I shared this post. This is from a page from a woman who has been a relationship counselor for many years. I, too, have been counseling for many years, and while I am sure that she has been counseling longer, I was thankful to see this post. I have been living this for many years and giving it to couples that I have counseled as well.
In the event that you feel offended by this because you feel that, “children and their needs should always come first.” I have no doubt that you should not only continue reading, but I also would encourage you to be open-minded before passing judgement because you may well learn something.
I feel the incessant need to elaborate.
In counseling over the years I have seen that with couples that have children, the children can often be a deal breaker. Especially if each parent was raised differently and feel strongly about this or that when it comes to raising and disciplining the children. Understand that I am in no way, shape or form, saying that your children should be neglected. Instead, it is a situation where it is understood that your children’s needs should be met regardless of the situations going on in life. Let that be clear. That is the responsiblity that comes with having children. Period. However; it seems that the focal point is lost in relationships and marriages where children become the main focus. What people fail to realize is when the children are put first instead of each other, the children will lack in the end regardless.
Your children are only yours for a season, they will only be with you for a season. Our job as parents is to guide them, teach them and provide them with the basic necessities such as love, food, shelter, clothing. Undoubtedly, but beyond that it is our responsibility to teach them and, more importantly, be the example for them to become productive members of society and provide the example of what it takes to build healthy relationships and how to protect and maintain them. This task cannot be completed if your own relationship is lacking and broken due to not putting your significant other or spouse first.
When your children grow and their time with you is over, they will leave your home and depend on themselves, and eventually their own significant other. This is the natural way. What’s left in your own household? YOUR significant other. It really is a simple concept. Your children only have something to gain by you putting your significant other (spouse) first. They see a healthy relationship that is a priority and how to maintain that relationship. They will then mimic this behavior in the future.
In summary, if your relationship is lacking, your children will inevitably lack by default. When two people constantly put each other first, their needs are always met, by default their children’s needs are always met. When children are the focal point, the relationship and partner are neglected and the children become neglected due to the time and effort it is taking to repair the relationship.
In the years that I have been counseling and sharing this concept to couples, there has been a 100% success rate of relationship and family recovery. It’s a trickle effect, when the parents are ok and the relationship is not lacking, the children reap the benefits as well. The time and effort that would be put into the relationship for lack of care is then free to focus on the child/ren together. Likewise, in my experience, when I’ve counseled this concept and given the skills and knowledge necessary for implementation and the couple decided against the counseling and information, the relationship inevitably failed in the end and the children were the ones that were neglected the most.
Ultimately, put your significant other first. Always. The statement given by Sherry C. Adams is truth to the letter and I have seen it as proven results in counseling, as well as, in my own relationship.
Big ups and thank you to Sherry C. Adams for speaking the truth to couples!