Boundaries are important. Find your voice and be sure that you follow through.
My voice is my own. No one else sounds like me. I am the source.
My thoughts are my own. If I choose to share them, they’re still mine. I am the source.
My opinions are my own. If I choose to share those as well, they’re still mine. I am the source.
I choose my own fate. I choose to allow someone to speak for me, or not. I choose to allow representation of myself, no matter the intentions of someone choosing to give action or thought on my behalf.
Therefore, in all rights, rhyme and reason, it is also my responsibility to set the boundaries of when it is appropriate or not to speak, act or otherwise on my behalf.
This post is not about ownership, but rather, about acknowledgement of the source and respect of such. Boundaries that create a sanctuary that is your life. Not to say that you’ll never be uncomfortable, but you have the right to choose to stay in a situation or leave, at any given moment.
Setting boundaries is about choice, both your own and whomever is taking it upon themselves to step over the boundaries, whether openly set or implied. If someone offends you or speaks on your behalf in a way that you are not comfortable with then it is necessary to reinforce the boundaries related to the matter.
Boundaries are lost in this society and while placing blame would normally be the course of action, I would rather not. Instead, I would rather focus on the self of the situation because ultimately that is all that I have control over.
I have never been very good at setting boundaries because as a young person I was never taught to set boundaries and the examples around me were meager to say the least. This does not fall on my mother or lack of father presence; however, it does ultimately fall on me, because with all of the research that I have done over the years and in all of the counseling that I have given, and experience I’ve gained… it would seem that I would know the proper steps to take in order to set, enforce and even reinforce boundaries when and if necessary for myself before anyone else. This is not truth. It has taken me much too long, so I am sharing this with you so that you have the ability to teach yourself and recognize the pitfalls of being without enforced boundries.
Primary boundaries, as I call them, are ones that are understood and do not need to be explained. Such boundaries include, but are not limited to, manners, respect, tact and presentation. It’s the secondary boundaries that I am limited in and specifically in reinforcement. I can speak all day long about what I like and what I don’t like; however, with people who are as strong-willed as myself, it is more difficult because these are also the people who are closest to me. I can teach the boundaries in my sleep….
Step One: Set the boundary.
Step Two: Enforce the boundary.
Step Three: Reinforce the boundary if and when necessary.
Consequences are my downfall. I am such an understanding person that when situations arise I am always the one that finds a solution to the situations. This prevents me from actually “feeling” anything at the present moment that a specific situation is presented because I automatically move into “solve” mode. In having the uncanny ability to stand on an unbiased line and see things, literally, from every possible angle it disables my ability to feel the situation and how it may affect me in the bigger scheme of things….until later, that is.
My ability to mold is like that of a chameleon. I, therefore, have the ability to say, “It’s ok.”, and move on about my business. While this is a great attribute to possess in the moment of mediation in less than favorable conditions with a job or when dealing with other people who are faced with controversy, it is not a great attribute to possess when it’s difficult to be vocal about your own boundaries.
It isn’t until the wee hours of the morning that I realize what I should have said, or could have said to nip it in the bud right then and there. It has been this newfound realization and through counseling more people on this subject, as of late, that I have been able to teach myself and actually follow through. In essence, the voice that is mine, has become vocalized in the moment instead of after the fact.
Take some time for yourself and find your voice. Check your body language and ensure that it lines up with your words as you speak them. Most people go through this at a young age, but it’s never too early to get in the mirror and watch your facial expressions and stance are in alignment. You might feel crazy, but trust me when I tell you it works!
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Lots of love everyone, of self and those deserving around you.
Until next time, adieu.