Your Children Do Not Come First…

Your child/ren do not come first, nor your parents, or friends. Your spouse comes first. Always!


So, yesterday I shared this post. This is from a page from a woman who has been a relationship counselor for many years. I, too, have been counseling for many years, and while I am sure that she has been counseling longer, I was thankful to see this post. I have been living this for many years and giving it to couples that I have counseled as well.

In the event that you feel offended by this because you feel that, “children and their needs should always come first.” I have no doubt that you should not only continue reading, but I also would encourage you to be open-minded before passing judgement because you may well learn something.

I feel the incessant need to elaborate.

In counseling over the years I have seen that with couples that have children, the children can often be a deal breaker. Especially if each parent was raised differently and feel strongly about this or that when it comes to raising and disciplining the children. Understand that I am in no way, shape or form, saying that your children should be neglected. Instead, it is a situation where it is understood that your children’s needs should be met regardless of the situations going on in life. Let that be clear. That is the responsiblity that comes with having children. Period. However; it seems that the focal point is lost in relationships and marriages where children become the main focus. What people fail to realize is when the children are put first instead of each other, the children will lack in the end regardless.

Your children are only yours for a season, they will only be with you for a season. Our job as parents is to guide them, teach them and provide them with the basic necessities such as love, food, shelter, clothing. Undoubtedly, but beyond that it is our responsibility to teach them and, more importantly, be the example for them to become productive members of society and provide the example of what it takes to build healthy relationships and how to protect and maintain them. This task cannot be completed if your own relationship is lacking and broken due to not putting your significant other or spouse first.

When your children grow and their time with you is over, they will leave your home and depend on themselves, and eventually their own significant other. This is the natural way. What’s left in your own household? YOUR significant other. It really is a simple concept. Your children only have something to gain by you putting your significant other (spouse) first. They see a healthy relationship that is a priority and how to maintain that relationship. They will then mimic this behavior in the future.

In summary, if your relationship is lacking, your children will inevitably lack by default. When two people constantly put each other first, their needs are always met, by default their children’s needs are always met. When children are the focal point, the relationship and partner are neglected and the children become neglected due to the time and effort it is taking to repair the relationship.

In the years that I have been counseling and sharing this concept to couples, there has been a 100% success rate of relationship and family recovery. It’s a trickle effect, when the parents are ok and the relationship is not lacking, the children reap the benefits as well. The time and effort that would be put into the relationship for lack of care is then free to focus on the child/ren together. Likewise, in my experience, when I’ve counseled this concept and given the skills and knowledge necessary for implementation and the couple decided against the counseling and information, the relationship inevitably failed in the end and the children were the ones that were neglected the most.

Ultimately, put your significant other first. Always. The statement given by Sherry C. Adams is truth to the letter and I have seen it as proven results in counseling, as well as, in my own relationship.

Big ups and thank you to Sherry C. Adams for speaking the truth to couples!

What are you feeding your family???

Your children are watching, what are you teaching them???

In the spirit of summer, I decided to make some jam. I can remember watching my mother spend countless hours running back and forth from the kitchen to the dinning room, table covered with newspaper, toting hot jars of whatever she had chosen to can at that particular moment. Shes had her go at jelly, salsa and a plethora of other recipes. What I loved most was getting into it while I thought she wasn’t looking. 🙂

In my jam research, I found many recipes that I thought were ok in theory, but the truth of the matter is that they just required entirely too much sugar. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not what some would call a, “health buff”, but I do try to be conscious of what I give to my family to fuel their energy needs.

I decided to wing it. (There I go again, wingin’ it!) If any of you have read my very first blog post, I am one that likes to defy the odds of “rules”, I just dealt with that plenty while I was active duty and I feel that there just has to be a way to put my own spin on most everything.

I boiled down my apples, they weren’t very big to begin with comming off the tree, but they were juicy and with a sweet tart mixture of flavors that covered my palet with the want to eat more than just one at a time. So, in likeness of the original taste I decided to take my own attempt at creating a recipe.

I am thankful to say that I only had to use 1/2 cup of sugar to 4 cups of the pureed result after boiling down my apples. I won’t give the recipe just yet, then I would have to kill ya! Just kidding!!! Truthfully though, I intend to do some research and see if I can distribute the final product. Wish me luck! It is amazing!

This post is really about the want and need to follow your own path and not be so reluctant to go against the grain. Sometimes, following what you’re feeling will give much better results in the end than adhering to something that just doesn’t feel right. Now, I realize that this is only jam, but I am feeding it to my family, and that is important. Knowing what you are giving your family to put into their bodies should be important, especially considering all of the controversies surrounding societies fast paced plant production and the seeming necessity to preserve everything and to fast in this diet or that. All of it is made to sell! sell! sell!

That is not what I am about. I am that crazy lady standing in the isle at the grocery store with frustrated children waiting patiently for me to finish reading the lables. (Just kidding, I’ve been doing this for so long, my children will likely be found reading the label too!) What you do, your children will do so be the example and go against the grain of what society expects you to eat and do and educate your children in the fact that not everything is by the book and that straying from the “norm” can be a very rewarding process.

I come from discipline. I come from rules and regulations. I am bound in my ability to always do the right thing, because this or that is what I was told is the “right” thing to say, do or be. I hate that I am the age that I am and just now figuring this out. Rules and regulations, recipes and constants create a safe space that can prevent discovery of self and of life.

I have to say that it is a truly amazing feeling when my children come to me and educate me on what type of products are good for them or not and that our youngest in the household is 10 and would rather cook her food so that she knows what in it, than to have someone cook it for her. I am proud that my children would rather go out and pick food from the garden rather than run down the street to McDonalds or Wendy’s to nourish their stomachs for energy. Don’t get me wrong, my children like fast food just as much as the next; however, it is not the norm for them and it will teach them eating habits for life rather than just to satisfy the need of right now.

I know that this may seem a little scattered, but it’s late and today was a productive day to say that I didn’t do “much”. Sometimes it’s the little things that make such a big difference in life and I just wanted to take  a moment to share.

Until next time, adieu.